The human mind is so adaptable. I was wondering why it was I'd feel such hunger in the mornings and lunch times, and not at all in the evenings. Because I've gotten into that habit, that's why, that's what the mind and body expects now!
I'm told I'm smart. I wonder then stripped of all my so-called achievements, and the backing of adults confirming it so, would it still be that I am 'smart'? If all I had with me were 'all my little words'? Smart. It's such a heavy word too. I remember during that long 'road trip' that I woke in the dead of night and for some reasons, began having some conversation with a man I didn't even know and hadn't met prior to this, about colonization and Japan and Japan's role as colonizer to South-east Asian countries now almost a century prior. Something like that. And the conversation became about North Korea, maybe, and for all the nuance he gave the prior subjects, he said some ridiculous things about 'the danger of the Russians and the Chinese', and I fell again asleep.
So basically, I woke in the midnight, argued a little with a man I've never conversed with prior about world politics and fell again asleep. In the morning, whilst I was eating hotcakes, my mom said, "At the very least go introduce yourself to that person you were arguing about 'North Korea' and 'colony things' with the last night, or at the very least look at him." Actually, I was reprimanded that night whilst speaking because my mom knew I could be passionate about these subjects. But it was a worthwhile conversation. Perhaps it did sound like argument to her. We did disagree on certain things, and I'm unsure how that conversation that night went about because I was very sleepy. I did end up speaking more with him after I ate my hotcakes, about math and engineering.
I should have hotcakes. It wasn't really a pleasant roadtrip at all but I sat there watching outside the view of the snowfall and had the hotcakes with butter and honey and I didn't know something so simple could be so pleasant. Enough on hotcakes though.
"A normal child wouldn't think of things like that," he said later, my mom recalled. "You were asleep when she said that." Perhaps we understimate 'normal' children.
Perhaps though I'm just westernized and thus come across so uniquely as I am of the American way of thinking, of highly individualistic personality. It's funny. When I was younger, I attended an international school and it was there I learned English. I've never once lived in a country where English was the language of majority though. Yet I frequent SNS in English. Language makes it so your humor, indeed, your entire personality comes across differently. I wonder what I've given up for my ability of English. Sometimes if it really is worth the trouble.
The final year of junior high school; it's a pivotal moment. I don't understand though all the students with their cram schools and studying. Why, I'm busy studying too but I bring most of it upon myself, with all my pedantry and exacting. But I have freedom, hell, I've been drawing amolacaris' all evening. I have the time to go on walks too. I didn't tonight though. Raining. And the students I'm sure are studious and hardworking and I am not. Not really. Not like that.
Well, I suppose I am efficient, but I cannot be unique in this! Surely! I feel at times perhaps I really am underestimating how difficult it should be. But I'm reassured, "You won't fail. You are not a person that fails." That's some faith. That's some faith for sure!
Tonight, I spoke with my friend. They're a person I consider my best friend. "It seems you forget sometimes that you're fourteen, 'Mavk'," they said, when I talked about how it felt as though time was slipping from me. I'm too strict to myself, I think. My computer died during the morning class and I said to the teacher straight-up, "I'm going to now read manga because my computer died." And the teacher said, "Sure thing." And the student said, "I love how strict this place is." I said to him, "I'm stricter to myself than this place has ever been to me." "It's true. That's true."
It seems when I've been speaking to that friend, I realize how different of a world I live in. How differently it is I view the world. I'm very stupid with people. I know this. I'll reflect on it further.